Bleak

Bleak is how I've been feeling the last few days.  Tuesday I dropped everything and drove my friend to the airport so she could rush home and see her Dad before he passed away.  She made it in time.  When she got there she said "It's your favorite daughter" and he replied "I don't have any favorites".  So sweet.  He is still with us. 

It must be a terribly sad time at that house right now.  Waiting for something you don't want to happen.  Hoping it happens soon for his sake.

On the way to the airport we both cried.  We laughed a little too.  She has great stories about him.  I made the mistake of saying that I didn't know exactly what I would say to my Dad knowing that it might be the last thing I ever said to him.  That made us both cry.  I've been thinking about it a lot since then.

Yesterday I had a meeting out toward the coast and I stopped at the Baskett Slough National Wildlife Refuge.  You see a lot of duskies out there (a kind of Canada goose).  This was the view as the sun was just coming up.  It was frosty and cold and my favorite kind of morning.

I don't want to think about what I would say to my Dad if he were dying because I don't want to think about him dying. 

A couple years ago he had prostate cancer.  He's fine now, but during that time that he had the surgery and the period afterward where he was going through radiation, I cried a lot on my way to work.  Always in the morning.  Not on the way home.

This view made me think of my Dad.  Maybe because the mornings are his time.  Since I was little he was always up before dawn.  Sometimes I would come downstairs and we would watch old movies together.  He is why I love old movies.  He even emails me when he knows that one of my favorites will be on tv.  Sometimes a Great Notion was on the other day.  He let me know.

The geese remind me of him too. I don't know why.  Hunting?  We mostly hunted ducks.  I don't know.  I think that I'll focus my thoughts on Trish and her family instead.  My time will come when Dad's time comes.