The Neighbor

So I was great at posting during the A to Z Challenge, but now that I have nothing driving me to do it, I've become a real slacker.

We have a new neighbor.  I just discovered him on Sunday while I was doing yard work.  I've actually seen him come and go periodically, but I always thought he was the guy who recently bought the house.  This gentleman must be his tenant.

He has a huge Lincoln Town Car.  His garage door goes up.  His Hot Rod Lincoln slowly backs out.  He sits in the driveway until the garage door goes all the way down and he heads off to God-knows-where.  Did you ever see The Burbs?  The Tom Hanks movie?  He reminds me of the Klopeks.  Seriously, one of the funniest movies.  I quote it all the time and no one knows what I'm talking about.  My favorite is when Hans Klopek is offering sardines as a snack.  Just the way he says it... oh, I guess you need to watch it.  Anyhoo, back to my point.  Neighbor is like the Klopeks, the way he comes and goes and is never outside.  He's mysterious.

Sunday morning while I was spraying the 252,000 dandelions in my yard, Mr. Klopek came out to get his Sunday paper. Oh, he walks slowly and he gets over to the paper, and starts to bend over to get it and I knew I was on the verge of having to race over and tend to a head wound because he was going to fall over in the driveway while attempting to pick it up.  But he got it.  When he stood back up and walked back to the porch I noticed that our other neighbor, Arlo was also watching.

I spoke to the Brown Eyed Man about my concerns for Mr. Klopek and Brown Eyed Man says "He needs one of those grabby claw things".  I said "What if I just put it on his porch for him each morning?"  Brown Eyed Man says "If he stops bending over to get the paper, he will stop doing other things and then he'll die".  I said "Well, won't a grabby claw thing do the same thing to him?".  And the conversation ended there. 

So, I haven't started putting his paper on the porch yet, for a few reasons:
1. If I put the paper on his step will he be offended?
2. What if he trips on the paper on the step because that's not where he expects it to be?
3. What if he catches me and thinks I'm stealing the paper?
4. What happens when we're gone for a week and he's not used to picking up the paper anymore and he falls?

Geez, it's hard to be nice some times.

j